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Most of know now or will know at some time what it’s like to lose someone we love. Whether it be through death, or other unwanted circumstances, it happens to all of us at one time or another. It is one of the most painful experiences in the realm of human existence. We often don’t know what to do or how to deal with it. For some it can be overwhelming and debilitating to a point where all forward motion ceases. Some of us just want to lie down and quit altogether, and sadly some of us do quit, taking the cowards way out by ending it all.

What we experience when we lose someone or something we love is grief. It is a painful emotion filled with sadness and pain. We just want our beloved back or we just wish things didn’t turn out the way they did. If we could only turn back time, if we could only get them or it back, everything would be fine. But we can’t. It’s over, finished, and we are devastated. What are we to do?

They say time heals all wounds. I am here to tell you that it does not. It helps though. The grieving process has been delineated into seven stages. They are shock, pain, anger, depression or bargaining, the upward turn, reconstruction, and acceptance. At any one of these stages, we can get stuck. If we stay stuck, our life will be unbearable and full of turmoil. I know this from personal experience. I got stuck in anger, and lashed out in all kinds of unhealthy and dangerous ways. I ended up in jail. One thing you have in jail is lots of time. Slowly the anger dissipated, but even now, I have bouts of it.

After jail, I had a story to tell. It was quite a story. The antics I got involved in were unbelievable and even humorous at times if they were not so life threatening. I started to write my story. It came out like water and it was cathartic. I had so much bottled up inside. When I let it out, it burst forth with emotion and force. Those first books were raw and real, but not very interesting for readers, if I may say so myself. They came out more like a sob story, than an uplifting or enlightening read.

Eventually over time, I transitioned from the anger stage to the depression and bargaining phase and on into the reconstruction times. That is where I’m at now. My writing has changed with the changing of the stages. Now I write fictional romance, believe it or not. And I am pretty good at it. I found a purpose, a goal, and even new love. This took years and even now, I slip back into one of the previous stages, but slowly, it gets easier every day. Soon after I started writing, I realized that maybe just maybe, someone might want to read my books.

That’s when I faced my greatest challenge yet. How would I reach those people? How would learn that my books even existed? I searched and found an answer. I hired a virtual assistant. This individual does all my promotion now on the internet. Without him, I would still be stuffing my books on a shelf somewhere to collect dust. With him, I am steadily building an audience of committed readers, who keep coming back for more. As my audience grew so did my confidence. I built a new profession. That gave me satisfaction and confidence and that helped me to slowly move from the reconstruction stage to the acceptance stage. Without the help of my VA, I might still be stuck or floundering in a void of obscurity. I am so glad I spent the money and took a chance on him. I am definitely better for it.

Losing someone we love

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